Posts Tagged ‘world wide wes’

Silver linings

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

This could turn out to be the worst summer in history. Worse than the Summer of Sam. Worse than that shitty “Summer Lovin” song from Grease. And worse even than Nicole Eggert’s acting when she played “Summer” on Baywatch. (Shout-out to the Hoff.)

Now, I’m still 52% sure LeBron’s staying. But that percentage is diminishing by the day. With every “absolutely” LBJ utters, and every reference to World Wide Wes’ lame-ass nickname, World Wide Wes. So in being responsible adults, I urge you to prep for the pain you may endure upon abandonment.

And what’s the best way to do that? Focus on the good times this summer provided us. I mean at least we had the World Cup, right. And wasn’t that a world of fun gang? Two ties, a thrilling 1-0 victory, and a tragic 2-1 defeat. And no hands used ever. Damn, that’s a gripping sport. Gary Coleman scores more than that sport. Present day.

Here’s my impression of soccer… “Oh. Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohhhhhhhh! Oh… He missed.” (Hockey is pretty much the same impression, only you can see my breath while I do it.)

I’d rather watch a child color. Is it possible to bomb a sport? That shit is almost as annoying as its fans.

But at least we had baseball. Right Cleveland? The only sport slower than soccer. That’s right, America, I’m willing to risk the wild mainstream success this site has achieved, in order to call baseball the insomnia cure that it is. Even when I’m watching Major League, I have to fast forward through all the baseball parts.

I know, I know. It’s a thinking man’s game. But you know what else is? Checkers. Doesn’t mean you have to clog the airwaves with it when I could be watching Family Matters reruns.

I know, I know. It’s a big part of American history. Right? But you know what else was? Polio. End it already.

Still, even if we didn’t have a lot of great sports action to enjoy this summer, at least we really excelled the sports available to us. Right, Team USA? Right, Tribe? Oh wait…

LeBron you can’t go, man!!! You just can’t!!!!!… We need good basketball in Cleveland.